Special places


I wrote on facebook a little while ago that “There is a special place in hell for people who blow snow from their driveway onto the road”. Someone asked if people who don’t shovel their sidewalk went there too, and I replied that they went to a different special place in hell. There are lots of special places in hell. Obviously there are places for murderers, child molesters, rapists, spammers, sidewalk non-shovellers, and people like that, but here are some other types of people that have their own special place:

  • People who smoke in their cars and throw the butts out the window. For that matter, people who smoke anywhere and throw their butts on the ground rather than properly disposing of them.
  • Similarly, people who throw litter of any kind out the window of their car or leave it on a shelf in a store.
  • People who park in handicapped spots who don’t need them. Similarly, people who have disabled parking stickers and park in designated spots when they don’t need to, i.e. someone has a sticker for mom who’s in a wheelchair (fine), but uses the handicapped spot even if mom isn’t there (not fine).
  • People who don’t clear their table at fast-food restaurants (where there are no waiters to do it for you).
  • People who listen to the entire “We’re not here right now” voicemail announcement, wait for the beep, and then hang up.
  • People who use the phrase “as well too”. “As well” is fine, and “too” is fine, but you don’t need to say both of them. That’s just repeating yourself redundantly over again.
  • People who leave shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot.
  • People at pro sports games who stand up during play for the sole purpose of waving at their buddy who’s somewhere else in the stadium, and who they are currently talking to on their cell phone. “Hey! Hey Steve! I’m over in section 119! Can you see me? How’s it goin’?” Down and up, dude: Sit the F down and shut the F up.
  • People who take far more than 8 items into the express lane at the grocery store. If you end up with 10 or 11 and the limit is 8, that’s no big deal, but there was a lady in front of me the other morning who filled up at least four of those big cloth bags in the eight-items-or-less line. Her total bill came to $89. The guy in front of me had about five items. I had one.
  • People who don’t pull over to allow emergency vehicles to get by. North Americans are far worse at this than Europeans.
  • People who don’t stop when a school bus has its lights flashing.

I’m sure I’ve missed some – feel free to leave a comment with yours! Note that I’m not talking about people who are just stupid or do something silly without thinking. This is for people who commit acts of extreme douchebaggery knowing that they’re being dicks. Nobody leaves their shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot because they forgot to put it in the corral. Nobody tosses their cigarette butt out the window because they think that’s the right thing to do with it. Looking over the list again, most of the time it’s just extreme laziness. OK, saying “as well too” isn’t laziness, and I wouldn’t call it douchebaggery either. But those people still get their own special place. Otherwise, how will they learn?

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