Category Archives: Funny

Knock knock


I saw this picture the other day and just had to share it. It’s one of the first jokes I remember telling when I was a kid.

knock-knock-590x306

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Cloud computing is like groovy, man


I downloaded a package from sourceforge.net this morning and saw an advertisement for a whitepaper from IBM on cloud computing. This line in the ad intrigued me:

CloudComputing

I wonder what kinds of cloud computing initiatives IBM was working on in 1971, when TCP/IP (the protocol used by the internet) hadn’t been invented yet?

What led you to me?


Here are some actual searches that led people to my blog from September to December 2010. 

Attention Facebook readers: You might want to click the “View Original Post” link at the bottom of this note. Facebook sometimes messes up the formatting.

  • “toop ten 2010 fucking girls an sking” – I have no idea how this led to my blog. I even tried doing the same search and my blog didn’t show up in the results. I messed around with this search string to try and make my blog appear in the results – including adding “cut the chatter” to it – but I couldn’t.
  • “garth brooks bmw truck opera subsidize”
  • These three were all on the same day. Not sure if it was the same guy who kept forgetting the answer or three different people, but I have not seen criteria like this on any other day.
    • “my middle name is earl song lyrics”
    • “my middle name is earl lyrics to song”
    • “what song miidle name is earl”
  • Someone found my blog through a search from http://www.google.com.ar. This must be Google’s search engine for pirates.
  • “my face has sunken”
  • “i have been sent home with a t-tube coming out of my tummy what is this”
  • “boys on pool table doing the macarena” as well as “macarena boys dancing pool table”
  • “procedure for placing drain tube in buttock cheek ct guided”
  • “should you call ambulance when acute pancreatitis attack” – on the assumption that you don’t want to die, I’d say yes
  • “do they have to cut my stomach to tie my tubes”
  • “is wayne gretzky circumcised” – I wrote an article on circumcision several years ago and ever since, I’ve seen a number of searches hit my blog asking about the… um… status of celebrities including Wayne Gretzky, Eric Lindros, Charlie Sheen, Clay Buchholz, and others. I don’t know why this information would be of value to anyone and honestly, I don’t want to know why someone thinks it might be.

At least they made the playoffs


Nicky’s soccer team played in the consolation final yesterday, since they lost their semi-final game last week. The game was tied so they went to penalty shots and ended up losing. (Note that there are only four teams in this league, so fourth place is the same as last.) Nicky’s teammate’s mother and little sister (I think she’s six) were sitting next to me, and this conversation occurred after the game:

Little Girl: Did we win the first place cup?
Mom: No, honey, we didn’t.
Little Girl: Did we win second place?
Mom: No.
Little Girl: Third place?
Mom: No, not third either.
Little Girl: Fourth place?
Mom: Yes.
Little Girl: Oh. That’s the Stinker Cup.

The Guild


While listening to Wil Wheaton’s podcast a few months ago, he played an interview he did with Felicia Day, creator, writer, and star of The Guild, a web comedy series (a TV show but only available on the web). I had never heard of The Guild, but Wil did a number of guest appearances on it and kept talking about how great it was, so I thought I’d give it a try. The Guild is undoubtedly one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen, on or off TV. The writing is brilliant, the characters are hilarious, and there are even shocking plot twists and cliffhanger moments that make you look forward to Tuesdays. Each episode is only 6-8 minutes long, and a new episode is released every Tuesday. A “season” lasts for about 12 weeks and season four just finished last week. I started watching The Guild when I was off work, so I managed to catch up with all of seasons 1 through 3 in a couple of days, and during season 4 I tried to watch it every Tuesday night.

The Guild is about a group of six people who play some kind of online game, similar to World of Warcraft (which I’ve never played). Note that you don’t need to know anything about gaming (I don’t) to enjoy the show. The game has taken over their lives and they even use each other’s game character names when talking in real life. In fact, of the six of them, I only know the real name of one of them – Clara, because her character name is also Clara. Oh wait, Bladezz’s name is Simon but even his sister calls him Bladezz. The other characters (except Tink, I believe) have had their real names mentioned, but only a couple of times. The main six characters are part of a guild known as The Knights of Good, meaning that they play together as a group and fight against other guilds. The guild members are:

  • Codex is the main character, played by Felicia Day. She’s a single woman who’s very insecure and always concerned with what the other guild members think of her.
  • Zaboo is a young man of Indian descent who is good with computers but has no social skills whatsoever. (When he moves in with Vork, Vork tells him, “Men only shower together when there’s more than one shower.”) He lived with his very controlling mother until season 3 when he moved in with Vork.
  • Vork is a 40-something balding guy who is extremely cheap and follows rules to the letter. He’s the leader of the guild.
  • Tinkerballa (known as Tink) is a bit of a mystery. I believe she’s a med or pre-med student, though her personal life is pretty much off-limits to the other guild members. I don’t think they even know her real name. Tink is beautiful and not only is she well aware of this, she uses it to her advantage whenever possible.
  • Clara is a stay-at-home mother of three (or two, depending on the season – one seems to have vanished) very young children, who she routinely ignores while playing the game. Her husband, George aka Mr. Wiggly (named after…. um, never mind) once joined the guild temporarily but was completely inept at the game.
  • Bladezz is a high school student who works at a local burger joint, “Cheesybeards”. Bladezz is always making off-colour sexual comments and was described in a recent episode as “skeevey”. Good word.

The Axis of Anarchy is another guild that the Knights of Good are constantly battling with. Their leader is Fawkes, who has a strange love/hate relationship with Codex. Fawkes always has this little “I’m smarter than you but I suppose I can bring myself down to your level” smirk on his face when he’s talking to someone. Fawkes is played by Wil Wheaton, who does a great job of playing an evil yet oddly charming douchebag.

When I first started watching it, I assumed that it was done as a web series because it wasn’t good enough to be picked up by one of the big networks. Because you know, the sitcoms that are shown on the big networks are all really good. cough $#*! My Dad Says cough But it looks as “professional” as any network sitcom, the actors are all really good, and as I said before it’s very funny. If it were a network show, they’d have to expand it to 22 minutes per episode, and tripling the length of each episode would likely water it down too much. Having a “live studio audience” watching the taping of each episode would not make the show any better, and God help Felicia Day if she were to add a laugh-track.

Being an internet-based show aimed at geeks, it is a little surprising that the website for The Guild is so confusing. If I were to design it, I’d have a page for each season and links to each episode in that season all in one place, so it’s easy to find episodes. There is a blog that has a page for each episode, but that bumps you off to Bing where the episodes are hosted. Once you’re there it’s not easy to find other episodes – the “related videos” on the right seems to be a random assortment of episodes from all the seasons. One page I went to (season 4 episode 10) had a link to season 4 episode 5 instead so I had to start poking around until I found the right episode. From the time I started looking to the time I was actually watching the right episode was at least five minutes – should be a matter of seconds.

But being an internet-based show aimed at geeks, it is not particularly surprising that there is a fan podcast for The Guild. It’s called Knights of the Guild and features a guy named Kenny who is a member of the crew, though he hasn’t mentioned (in the few podcasts I’ve listened to) exactly what he does. After every episode, he does a “companioncast” during which he interviews many cast and crew members and talks about that episode. This is recorded right after the episode was filmed, which is months before it actually airs. Most of these interviews are pretty interesting, though some are kind of Chris Farley-esque. “Remember when happened? That was soooooo funny” isn’t much of an interview question. It does seem a little weird to have a 90+ minute podcast about a 7-minute episode, but whatever, it’s fun.

I suppose The Guild is not for everybody, but I think a lot of internet geeks like myself (I have a blog, I use twitter, and I use terms like “epic FAIL”) would love it. As I said, you don’t need to be a gamer (or even a geek) to like the show, but if you’re a gamer or a geek, give it a try at watchtheguild.com.