Beowulf is thought to be the oldest story written in the English language. Given that, the fact that the latest movie version uses the latest in computer graphics technology is a little ironic. For the most part, the graphics are truly amazing; in a number of scenes, I had to work to convince myself that it actually was computer graphics and not a live action movie. Other scenes were not much better animation-wise than Shrek, but I guess that’s what happens on the bleeding edge of technology.

I read somewhere about some controversy regarding the rating of this movie. It was rated PG-13, and people thought it should have been higher because of Angelina Jolie’s character being essentially nude through all of her scenes. The weird thing is that the movie deserved a higher rating because of the violence and gore — it didn’t much matter about the nudity. Blood splattering everywhere, arms and heads being severed, people being impaled on spears and other objects, someone’s head being bitten off and chewed up, someone being ripped in half, monsters being stabbed in the eyeballs, someone ripping the heart out of a dragon with his bare hands… and people think kids shouldn’t watch this movie because of Angelina Jolie’s boobs?

I’ve never really been a big fan of Jolie — I haven’t seen all of her work, but she’s a decent actress, and is certainly attractive, but I’ve never found her to be as amazingly beautiful as others make her out to be. In this movie, however, well, all I can say is wow. The animators made her character look exactly like her (thanks to the skin-tight motion capture suit they had the actors wear), and in the world of sexy animated women, she makes Jessica Rabbit look like Ernest Borgnine.

Sorry. Back to the movie. Note: Some spoilers follow.

At the beginning, the Beowulf character is the ultimate hero — strong, fearless, and confident almost to the point of arrogance. The Grendel monster has the entire town in panic, and he dispatches the monster with relative ease. Quite honestly, I thought it was too easy. The whole thing about Beowulf being naked when he did this was a little silly though, as was the clever “camera” work to avoid showing his stuff on camera; that reminded me of Austin Powers and seemed out of place in a supposed action-adventure movie. Then he met Grendel’s mother (Jolie), who turned him from a hero into a fraud and a liar in no time flat. It seemed to me that the character we saw at the beginning who fought all of those huge monsters should have been strong enough to resist her temptation (though she would have been pretty damned tempting… Sorry.), but he seemed to cave pretty quickly. And what was in it for her? Was Beowulf a good enough roll in the hay that she agreed to leave the town alone for 20 years?

Anyway, aside from the gore, it was a pretty good film. Much better than another movie we saw recently, Michael Clayton, which was billed as “a different kind of thriller”. Sure, one that wasn’t in any way thrilling. There’s two hours of my life I’m not getting back.

Another Star Wars mystery I forgot to ask before:

According to Lando, Darth Vader and his peeps arrived before Han and Leia did. So when Han, Leia, and Chewie arrive on Bespin, Lando greets them enthusiastically, gives Han a hug, talks about his supply problems, hits on Leia a couple of times, gives them a room to hang out in, and then invites them for lunch. All the time, he is getting ready to hand them over to Vader, but he never hints that there’s anything going on, or even acts strangely. For someone with “no love for the Empire”, he certainly acts convincing when he’s about to turn his friend over to them.

We watched the original Star Wars trilogy with the boys over the last week. It was their first time seeing them (Ryan’s mini-review: “awesome!”), but Gail and I have seen them many many times each. Some things you notice when you see movies that often:

Han: Chewie, lock in the auxiliary power.
Chewie: Does nothing
Han: Chewie, lock in the auxiliary power.
Chewie: Reaches over and pulls a lever right in front of Han

Right after this, Han says “We’re caught in a tractor beam, it’s pulling us in. I’m gonna have to shut down. They’re not gonna get me without a fight!” They’re not gonna get you without a fight? But you just said you were going to shut down. What kind of fight are you talking about?

Luke gets lost on Hoth, and Han goes out to find him. Once it gets late enough, they close the doors to the base, so Luke and Han are locked out. Everyone is very sad, assuming that both will die. Chewbacca and Leia are both shown very upset, and C-3P0 offers his thoughts: “Don’t worry about Master Luke. He’s quite clever you know, for a human being.” Cut to Chewbacca, who begins to weep. I always interpreted this as Chewie thinking “…but Han’s not!”

When they released the “Special Edition” versions of the original trilogy, they added scenes and changed the backgrounds and stuff in some other scenes. While watching the Special Edition movies (the ones on DVD), I can tell you from memory exactly which scenes were added, which ones were modified, and how they were modified.

“I have a [very, really] bad feeling about this” is said four times by four different people (Luke, Leia, Han, C-3P0) in the original trilogy.

When about to be crushed in the garbage masher, Leia grabs the pole she will use to try to brace the walls before the walls actually begin to move.

Why would Chewie try to choke Lando right after he helps them escape from the stormtroopers? I get that they’re angry at him for selling them out to the Empire, but didn’t Lando just set them free? Lando croaks “There’s still a chance to save Han” and Chewie lets him go. They are unsuccessful at saving Han, but their anger at Lando is instantly forgotten and never mentioned again.

Bad audio dubbing: Aunt Beru, the X-Wing pilot that says “Stay on target”, and the guy outside on Hoth that radios inside to say that walkers are approaching.

As I asked a way long time ago, if C-3P0 is fluent in six million forms of communication, why can’t he teach R2-D2 one of them?

When Luke and Leia are chasing the stormtroopers on the speeder bikes on Endor, Luke says “Quick, jam their comlinks! Centre switch!” Why would the bikes have a switch specifically for jamming comlinks?

The Emperor says that he allowed the rebels to know about the shield generator on Endor, and that “an entire legion of my best troops” are waiting there. A legion of the Empire’s best troops were beaten by a handful of people, a Wookiee, two droids and a bunch of teddy bears?

According to the second (prequel) trilogy, Jedi training begins in childhood and continues until adulthood. We see Yoda teaching “younglings” who are no more than six, and Obi-Wan is clearly in his late teens or early twenties in The Phantom Menace, yet is still considered a “padawan learner”. Luke, who had never even heard of the Force until he was seventeen, does a couple of hours of Jedi training with Obi-Wan on the trip to Alderaan and then a fairly short period of time with Yoda on Dagobah. It couldn’t have been that long — just after the Hoth battle, Han and Leia escaped into the asteroid field and Luke headed to Dagobah. The Falcon then headed for Cloud City to get repairs. So Luke’s training lasts for however long it took the Falcon to get to Bespin, plus the length of time they’re on Bespin. I suppose it’s possible that it took months to get to Bespin and that they’re on Bespin for months before Luke shows up, but there’s no evidence that either was more than a couple of days. Anyway, after this short period of training, Luke leaves for Bespin (Empire Strikes Back) and Tatooine (Return of the Jedi). He then returns to Dagobah where Yoda tells him “No more training do you require”, and that all that he needs to do to become a Jedi is face Vader again. Did Yoda give him the crash course? Is Luke so strong in the Force that he learns in a few weeks what it takes other Jedi fifteen years to learn?

Obi-Wan and Yoda wanted to hide Anakin’s kids from him (to protect them), so they hid Leia’s true parentage from everyone, even her. When Ben finally told Luke that he had a sister, he wasn’t even going to tell Luke who it was, for her protection. But they didn’t even change Luke’s last name — why was it so important to hide Leia when they didn’t even try to hide Luke?

Luke asks Leia about her real mother and she says that she was beautiful, kind, but sad, and Luke says that he has no memory of his mother. As we saw in Episode III, Padme died within minutes of their birth, so neither can possibly have any actual memories. Perhaps they could get some feelings of some kind through the Force, but why would Leia (with no knowledge of the Force) be able to do this while Luke the Jedi cannot?

During the final battle in Jedi, the rebels send their entire fleet to the battle zone. Why send the big frigates that are of no use in a battle?

Yoda says a couple of times “Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny”. During the final battle with Vader, Luke clearly makes use of the dark side, since he is using his anger and hatred to give him power, and it helps him to defeat Vader. I’d call that starting down the dark path, but then he just stops and “comes back”. Forever dominate his destiny the dark side did not.

And finally, when the X-Wings begin their attack on the Death Star in the first movie:
Wedge: Look at the size of that thing!
Red Leader: Cut the chatter, red two.